What do you think of this poem? Please advise?

Please take all of this as constructive criticism, because I like what you wrote, and I like your use of metaphors. But, this does not seem like a poem to me. It is not in poetry format, it lacks structure, and it also doesn't read like a poem. You have an excellent use of descriptive words, and it shows that you put a lot of work and thought into this. I definitely applaud you for the creativity.